Unplugged but then there's News!

I have been slowly trying to de-clutter my life with online time wasting.  I took FB off my phone and try to only check the computer once or twice a day at the most along with checking emails for any important information. I just started this about a week ago so the detox is tough! ;)

We have been on a journey with God, an amazing race of our own, and just like the show, there are days you finish first, days you finish 7th out of 8 places, and then days where you are dead last, beaten up, covered in mud, and crying but God shows up with the grace card, it's a non-elimination round! I love Phil.

I share duties with an awesome friend as leaders of our church's adoption support group. We have journeyed thru many of these ups and downs together.  You can read her most recent post here.
We chuckled over her post and current process. You would think I would have taken her post to heart immediately. or not.

You see, we had most recently started thinking that we would start looking into other paths that God may have for us versus adopting, Respite care, in particular.  There is such a great need for people to commit to walk along side families who are adopting to provide support, a night out, a meal, a hug, whatever but it is a commitment.  Adopted kids need familiarity and security so in our minds at least, we could offer our experience with children from traumatic backgrounds to others who were/are in crisis situations and just want/need a break for restoration. We really were and still are excited about pursuing this avenue with our church and community.  All the while, adoption has just been on the back burner for us and basically was getting a little discouraging. 

I was really struggling with the questions of the journey.  God's ways are certainly not our ways.  We had come to a place where we just decided that we had to walk daily with the Lord and again and again surrender the future and the worries back to him. I'm a planner, this is hard for me.  I can wait forever, but I need an end point.  I had to surrender the end point.  I just finished a great book by Jennie Allen called Anything.  She talks about her family's journey to surrender the endpoint to God and to pray the prayer, God we will do Anything.  That is a life altering prayer.  Could I really say God, we will do Anything, Whatever you ask.  I think this is where the rubber meets the road for a Jesus follower.  Are we willing to risk everything to do Anything.

Risk, I don't like Risk.  Adventure is good but I still play it safe most of the time.  I have many times in my life done things that others deemed risky; changed my major and college at least 4 times I think, up and moved to Kentucky by myself, quit my career for awhile to nanny, and married a northern Lutheran, gasp, don't be offended, family joke.   But, underneath it all, I had the illusion of Control, to me there was not much risk at all, especially with the northern Lutheran, he rocks!

In our second adoption journey, we have been very protective of what we are considering based on what we think we can handle and strongly considering Nick's needs.  This month I really worked hard on surrendering those areas.  God sees the big picture right? ugh, still so hard for me.  Last week we FINALLY met with our state caseworker.  She was sweet and asked all the usual get to know the adoptive family questions and we regurgitated our usual adoptive family responses.....yes, older is good, yes, any gender, yes, any race, no, aggressive behaviors, blah blah, ad nauseum.  We always end with the we are open to many things and wont say no until we know the situation but we really dont' think babies are a good fit because we are old and done with wanting that stage.

You know what's coming, don't you?

Well, I promise you, no less than 6 hours later, another caseworker called and said, I heard that you might be willing to be a concurrent home given the right situation (side note:  Concurrent in state speak is a home willing to foster and also willing to adopt if the parenteral rights are eventually terminated. There are homes that are foster only, and adopt only (us) and concurrent is a mix of both)
I said yes, we will CONSIDER it but we have Nick to protect with his insecurities about being returned/ replaced etc.  and then she said it, well, we have two babies, 18 mo girl and 8 mo boy that need a concurrent placement and we thought you might be a good fit.... (in state speak, this MIGHT mean, cough, cough, that they are desperate for anyone to just say yes) but luckily, we know that someone else is really running the show, He created these babies, He set the stars in the sky, He orders the universe, We might just trust him a tad bit more.  I did not immediately feel the urge to say no...hmm. Luckily, I had the whole, I'll talk to Pat thing to fall back on.  so, she said "we need to know if you want more information in the morning" umm, OK. click.

Oh, goodness, how do I bring this up to Pat, Hi, How was your day, the have offered us two sweet babies, but we have to at least say yes by the morning for more info and we have to foster first, and what do you want for dinner, babe?  and really, that's pretty much how I did it. and he didn't say no immediately, hmmmm.

Then, as I told you, I was reading this book called Anything, and I somehow knew that God had a word for me in this book, thru the scriptures she shared, and the challenges she called out ....to do Anything for God, really actually means, to do ANYTHING for God regardless of the risk, the craziness, the pros and cons, the common sense, and for goodness sakes, our ages (Pat will be on SS when they graduate if this all plays out people!) If we truly say we trust God with our futures then we have to say your will, not ours! (Let's just say, I so see why Jesus had such turmoil in the garden yet being who He was, was able to lay it all down, surrendering it to His Father)

And then we have to trust those around us to Him as well.  God took care of Nick before us and has him now. He loves Nick.  He has a journey for Nick and we cannot always think we should control that for him over what God has for him.  Don't you think Jesus was saying to God that night in the garden, I just don't think the disciples are ready, Peter, he's a little skittish, John's got some issues with pride, Matthew, he comes from such a hard background, he may need some more time, maybe We should wait, maybe we should hold off. But, Jesus knew he could trust those most precious to him to their Creator, their heavenly Father. So, he laid down his worries and concerns that night and said, not my will, but yours.  So we were encouraged to do so as well.  Nick is so excited, the threat of competition, the replacement factor and all seems to have taken a back seat to the fact that he will be a "Great big brother" and we will soooo need his help to make our team work.  God is good, he knows His sheep well and cares for them with unfailing love.

So what does this mean really.  Well, we pondered that night, and prayed, and laughed, and sighed at the irony, and we decided that we would TRUST and we would do ANYTHING even if it involved loss, and even if it involved BABIES!   As with all foster children, their information will be private.  If they proceed to adoption status with us, then we will announce their "births" to us at that time.....with pictures and fanfare and hoopla....but now, we will quietly become a family of 5 on the 23rd of this month.    Because I love irony and God's sense of humor, we will nickname them, for future posts and FB status updates, Abe (Abraham) and Sarah because the Abe and Sarah of the bible were also called to parent an infant in their old age and like them we are also laughing....... all the way to the babies R us.  I knew this was different when we were both sitting relaxed in our old people chairs and just saying, yes!, lets do this last Thursday night. We have had moments of panic, sure, but seeking God daily and leaving the future to Him has given me a sense of freedom and peace that me and my personality rarely get to feel. Pat is excited too and I would know if he's stressed, and he's not, he's really not.  I had surrendered the dream of ever seeing him rocking a baby in our favorite chair to sleep late at night, but God said, here, I'll give it back to you, just packaged a bit differently.  And, the beautiful knitted  blanket with all the sesame street characters on it, well, I pulled it out last night, I couldn't part with it, it was packed away in a box ( a gift when we were expecting a "baby" from Kazakhstan from a dear ALS patient and my sweet co-workers ) and now it will hang in their room to look at and laugh at and it will be a reminder of God's love for me and his knowledge of even our secret wishes even if they aren't practical or logical.  And, His ways, His timing, His care is always far superior to what we could imagine or plan for ourselves and if we rest in that, then He is always Glorified and crazy enough, we are satisfied and have joy, unspeakable joy.