Hold on....it's going to be a bumpy ride!

It's late but I thought I would record a few things from the first days so that the littles and Nick can look back on these notes and see how far they have come AND because we need to keep a lifebook for A and S so might as well record stuff here first.

The meet and greet/Dr's appt/transition of care-- AWKWARD! two pairs of foster parents, birthmom, and caseworker plus the littles. Who does what, Who signs the papers, who holds the baby for shots, who talks to the birthmom, who talks to the caseworker, doctors, nurses....on and on. I swear had I not heard english, I would have felt like we were in Kaz again except for the birthmom being there.  All these people and questions, and procedures, and deer in the headlight looks.....did I mention AWKWARD!  We brought the kids home and the other foster family brought all their stuff over for us.  Clothes, food, belongings from their home, and lots of paperwork to fill in as appropriate over the next however long.  I really liked the previous foster parents.  They were older and just not ready to take on two babies for a longer duration.  They already have a 12 month old that they have had in care since she was born.  A and S seemed to recognize us and didn't seem too distressed to be left in our care.

The littles are relatively easy to care for in the general baby kind of way.  The fevers have been a big challenge all weekend.  A was spiking more yesterday and I ended up calling the nurse hot line because not only were they passing around a viral thing but A had 4 shots and S had one.  Yes, they were just having a really hard day on thurs. I wanted to make sure that I didn't need to report the fevers based on shot side effects vs. viral illness.  They both go to bed so easily.  Nick not so much. ;)

Nick overall has done well.  He wouldn't say it.....he is a bit dramatic about his role in the family right now but he has been good with the babies. Mom and Dad, again, not so much.  If I have heard "you love them more than me" once, I've heard it 10 million times and no, I am not exaggerating. One of his biggest struggles coming into this new change has been self esteem/self worth feelings.  Had I not had many close friends add siblings to their unit in the last few years with much strife and stress and then come to a better place after time, I sure would be stressed.  But, I know this will take time and Xanax perhaps. He is a bit of a drama King and some of his better lines were "I still have needs too you know" or " mom be serious, I'm having a crisis."  Today, he opened up his large play hut and moved all of his stuff from his room (thank you very much ....as if our house wasn't completely chaotic right now) down to the tent because the "kids that are loved live upstairs".  I cannot make these things up, he really is meant to be in the theater.  But, in the midst of it all, I still got his feelings, I knew he was struggling.  We have tried to continue to let him give voice but for Nick giving voice is a second by second thing. He never stops talking.  He knows how to express his feelings, he just doesn't know how to express them in a constructive manner. That is what we will work on at the counselor's office, soon. really soon.

Little S is a perfect study on neglect and it's effect on, well, everything.  She is a frightened little birdie.  I cannot really describe her looks of fear when she wakes up all disconcerted about where she is and the way she won't look me in the eye.  She wants to face out when you hold her. She shrieks when you try to put her in your lap facing your face. Any sudden noises, touches, change in position scare her. And, don't get me started on the eating.  She has so many texture issues, swallowing delays, and a little picky to boot. After 4 days, I can say that we have already seen improvement in all these areas.  She is getting better each day with my Karyn Purvis " let me see those beautiful eyes"  talk and she will face me now for a few minutes of patty cake or itsy bitsy spider.  My favorite thing to see is her jabbering.  She didn't utter a sound at first but tonight she was cracking herself up in bed.  I could hear her in Nick's bedroom while he was yelling at me so she was laughing pretty loudly. She can parrot a few words that resemble something you can understand.  I am like freaky dietitian chemist in the kitchen. I keep making all these crazy recipes up for her meals that will give her ultimate calories and protein without tons of sugar.  She prefers things blended although she ate a few bites of pizza tonight.  Her breakfast is malt-o-meal/powdered non-fat milk for protein and whole milk for calories all blended together and a tad of honey. Lunch was roasted chicken, cous-cous, and whole milk blended.  She totally eats it.  She does not have front teeth... pulled due to decay ..so I have no problem mixing up her table foods with pureed foods. It looks gross but whatever it takes to get food in her.  And, I feed her for good eye contact. I especially notice her trying to not look at me during this time.  I am teaching her sign language for more and she more or less has it down already.  I cannot wait to get her weighed in a few months at her 2 year old check up.

A loves his bottle but with his illness has had a bit of a decreased appetite.  He eats mostly early baby foods and although we were told he ate alot, he does not for us.  He holds his mouth shut.....while smiling.  So stinkin cute. Today, we tried some toddler puffs and he actually did very well with them although he nearly choked on a piece of baked potato...go figure.  I need to consult my speech therapy friends on this one.  I remember certain foods do better for certain swallow problems.  I think they both were just on liquids only so they just have delayed swallow strength. yes, that is my own diagnosis. probably not even legit but we will keep trying different textures out....trying not to get him all choked up. ha!  He really is the most pleasant baby.  He cries out in the night which of course causes us to have a heart attack but we are getting used to it and know that he will settle right back down without really any intervention necessary except for my heart to return to normal beats! oy!

Their mobility is so delayed.  A cannot sit up on his own-very low tone- and S was barely crawling.  We have seen improvement in both already.  They just need lots of encouragement and I'm a bit of a drill sergeant too. :)   If I didn't know they were from here, I would swear they had been in an orphanage. So many of the same delays as I have seen with our friends who brought home infants/toddlers of similar ages. But, just the same as the institutionalized kids, we are seeing them advance rapidly with just constant attention and intervention.....and then there is that whole showering them with love thing. :)

How are WE doing? I think we got the team thing worked out.  I have the best mate in the world. He lets me boss him about the baby world as long as I say please and we just work well together.  I enjoy the babies I have to say.  Just like watching each progression with Nick, it is a gift to watch it with them. It's only been 4 days but when you've gone thru it before, you notice more things and then you notice more progress.  I nannied twins.  I did the night shift for several months and two babies at once doesn't really throw me for a loop.  Balancing two babies and a dramatic 8 year old, a little more difficult.  Everything and I do mean everything we do for the babies gets assessed and compared to what we do for the 8 year old.  Not a bit of rational thought is involved.  It gets really old really fast. I would say THAT has been the biggest challenge of the 4 days, that, and the fevers and not knowing how the babies react to illness, teething, pain, etc.  We don't know their cries, their comfort measures, etc.  I can do babies but this whole balancing act is hard.  We expected it but it doesn't make it any less exhausting to go thru at the time. The aged body is adjusting too slow. my knees hurt, my baby carrying muscles hurt, my back hurts. Nothing a little advil can't help along til some conditioning sets in.  It takes longer in  your mid 40's apparently. That said, I think we are doing pretty well considering I cannot stand the chaos that has hit my house.  We were preparing for a consignment sale when this all hit so there was those clothes in progress for sale, not to mention that the contents (aka known as storage room/guest room for 15 years) of the room the babies are in had to be moved downstairs, the downstairs room stuff moved in the garage and all the baby items/clothes that came with the littles in the hall or in their half prepared room.  I just want to sit and go thru everything, organize, place in an efficient place.. but not sure when that is going to happen.  I'm not a hilary housekeeper anyway so this is putting me over the edge for even my very high tolerance of clutter chaos.  Fortunately, in my quest to live daily with the Lord, the fact that I have no idea where our mail (bills) is on the counter, I have no idea how I am going to help Nick with homework in his state of mind, I have no idea how I am going to go thru all the RFP's we are getting for Kazapalooza and put them in an excel spreadsheet and I have no idea when there might be time for exercise, eating and/or sleeping but I can worry about those things tomorrow because TODAY or rather tonight I have a slightly distressed 9 month old sleeping in the pac-n-play next to me while I sit on the couch because he for some reason keeps waking up every single time I lay him in his actual bed.....his new bed...which probably feels different, smells different, sounds different.....do all pac n plays smell the same....who knows.  bless his sweet little snoring heart. Part of me wants to try and take him up there one.more.time or I can just sit here and blog and surf the net.  hmmmmm.  

Thanks so much for all the prayers, support and encouragement.  It is quite the journey but God is doing it with us. While long stretches of time in the word are at a minimum right this minute, I do daily call out to him, play some worship music, and dwell on his goodness.  He is sustaining and restorative in his care for me.